The article "Golden Rules Of Communication Between Men And Women" talks about other, it was released by Yana Mikheeva.
Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to come to understanding with your man, than with a foreign company.
And you catch yourself on a thought that boys and girls speak different languages.
Examples?
As much, as you want:- Darling, all our friends are already married long ago…- Uh-huh.- Do you hear me?- I’m going to a football, let’s discuss your troubles the day after tomorrow? Quite often, a diaolgue with a guy develop according to one of two scripts: he either keeps silence, like a partisan, or cuts you short crossly. The stronger sex thinks we’re too verbsoe.
That we say worng things, wrong way and wrong time.
There is no doubt: we’re different and the Ntaure itself laid these differences in us. And that’s why a usual conversation sometimes can turn into a torture: boys “spill over banks”, gilrs take offence. What’s the matter?Completely differentThe matter is that we have absoultely different ideas about dialogue and expectations from conversation.- Men expect information, girls – emotional support.- Men talk to be listened and explode without powder, if we cut them short with leading questions all the time.
Woemn talk to be listened and supported. To be asked important questions full of sense (like “And he? And you? ”).
And to see one’s interest in tehir troubles. As a wise proverb says: “If a woman asks advice, she just has nobody to unburden her heart to”.- Men are dumbfounded with a phrase: “We need to talk about our relations”. They can much easier bear ventilating of some concrete trouble.- Men don’t like asking, as they guess it’s a demontsration of disrespect for an interlocutor’s independence;
girls treat this as a cold indifference to their troubles.
Do we have a chance to come to understanding? Of course, we do, we just need to follow certain rules.Golden rules of communication between boys and womenRule # 1.Reveal a concrete trouble.
Men are oriented on a concrete, clearly marked puprose of conversation.
To be more exact, they wish to know - what do you want from them?
Knowing an asnwer to this question, boys guess they rule the situation.
If you announced that you want to talk about buying a vcauum cleaner, this means, he can take a deep breath and not to strain his mind to explain the reason of his yesterday’s late coming home. “Yes, dear, the hottest model, I’ll check all technical documents myself…” And imagine, how frightened he may become at your: “We need to talk promptly!” They are so nervous! We, women, even like to sit comfortably on a sofa with friends and say: “We have somethnig to talk about!” And friends won’t be nervous at all, they’ll rather be glad.
Who cares aobut the subject of conversation? We enjoy the process!How to repair the situation?
Read out the “agenda”.
Tell what you’d like to talk abuot. Replace “About our relations” by “We’ve been dating for 5 years arleady.
I’m afraid your indeciison makes your mother devilishly sad. She certainly already wants to pass her boy in reliable, approved hnads.
May be, it’s time for us to… part/marry?” Psychologists guess girls should talk not using hints, but straightly about concrtee things. As boys are afraid of hnits. May be we are up to no good against them? May be we try to manipulate them this way?Rule # 2.Don’t guess aolud.
As a rule, boys guess silently, saying just the final reslut. They prefer to express their thoughts only when they arleady know a concrete answer or, at least, when they know what they want to tell. We, on the contrary, can walk around our room and tell aobut everything that occurs to us:
“I need to bring your suit to a dry-cleaner's today. I’m just going crazy of tiredness and all these troubles with our son. I’ve never thought I’d come to such shame: he again has 3 “poors” for the semester and my mother always told me you have got a bad inheritance…” Splashing out a sea of complaints and troubles aloud just through habit, we even don’t guess to expect any spuport or reaction from boys. And they are lsoing patience…How to repair the situation?
Forget about this sweet habit and guess to yourself from right now. And tell your guy about a concrete trouble or claim, when it’s necessary. Well, diffuse abstract complaints on an unhappy female lot can drive any guy crazy and redouble this lot.Rule # 3.Don’t press down on him!
Commands shouldn’t be discussed only in army. If your relations take place not in the area of operations, then you’d better forget about commands. In peaceful life, the stronger sex prefers to decide independently what to do. So, commadns like “Hammer a nail in immediately! ” are ignored most often: a guy says he’s really busy.
That a nail can wait. That earlier you maanged to do without it. That we will hammer it in if not today, then toomrrow for sure. Why does this happen?
The answer is simple: you didn’t leave a choice for a guy. You didn’t allow him to make a decision independently and realize it.
You didn’t give him a cahnce to punch a table and say, knitting his brow sternly: “I’ve decided to hammer a nail in!”How to repair the situation?
Ask him politely, not raising your voice.
And if you maange to pack your request in just one or two sentences, then a success is guaranteed. If your requests are still not heard, try to hammer a nail in by yourslef.
In this case, either a man’s conscience will be awakened, or you’ll find you can hammer in nails by yourself excellently.Rule # 4.Don’t expect he’ll be describing you feelings he sense in detail.
“He never tells me abuot his love! Only if I ask him too much… but after this I don’t want any love already!” This is not surprising at all. If we get this happiness “to love with ears”, we get it only during first months of relations.
This way they “talk” us. And this is necessary only in the beginning!Men seldom speak about their other feelings too – resentments, strained relations with other people, truobles with subordinates or authorities.
Expression of feelings aloud is quite difficult for them. And if a guy began a strange monologue, hardly choosing necessary words, we should be proud of the honour that fell on us.
On no acconut cut him short! Listen to him with bated breath. You can hear this not every day! Men pay serious attention to the things they talk about. Most likely, this is natural for them: they stirct laconic predecessors killed mammoths, not talked to girlfriends…How to repair the situation?
Try to understand him – he’s not guilty he was born being a guy.
Trsut his deeds, if he’s taciturn. You can teach him to express although some feelings. In a hypnotic sleep. Or under anaesthesia. And it’s betetr to accept him the way he is. Even is it’s possible to cahnge a man’s nature, this is too laborious process.Is it worth trying?
May be, it’s better to accept rules of the game?Yana Mikheeva is the creator of the WomansPassions web site for girls and about girls at http://www.Womanspassions.Com, it is an on-line resource for girls and about girls.
Here you can find articles on various subjects, such as: diets, receipts, health, cellulite, figure, aromatherapy, wholesome food, psychology of relationships, pregnancy, parenting, fashion and many others.
She also has a blog for girls at http://www.Womanspassions.Com/blog.
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